I dreamed up this post a few weeks back. It's funny the things that pop into your mind when you're trying to sleep.
Being married to a car man. If there is one thing I've learned over the last 10 years...if you're married to a car man, your patience will be tested. You will feel like a single mom 90% of the time. Your husband will come home tired, exhausted, drained. There won't be much left for you after his 12-13 hour days.
There were a few years in there where I questioned a lot. Some days I feel down...so lonely. It's only by the grace of God I have made it through...WE have made it through some of the tough times. When I met my husband...he was already the manager of the local Ford store. I knew his hours. It didn't bother me then...we weren't married. I didn't have children to care for. We had date nights.
As the years have gone by, and I am pulled three different places with three children. When I realize the only person I have talked to all day (for 12 hours) is my 3 year old. Those days get hard.
Your children won't have the luxury of having a family dinner. You will attend many a baseball game, soccer practice and wedding alone. You will feel like a single parent. But there will be a few good perks! ;) Dealer earned vacations? Maui and Cayman to name a few...and you always drive a decent car. #perks
So here is some of my advice for car wives:
1. Make your time together count
I can't stress this enough. He loves you. I never have to remind myself of this....but I do have to remind myself of this. When you get 3 waking hours a day with the man of your dreams while work gets 12, sometimes it's hard. But remember..he loves you. He CHOSE you. He married you. I have learned to make those 3 hours count. Through the years I have learned that the little things I used to fuss about the second he walked in the door were not worth it. I used to mentally make a list of things that I needed to bring up when he got home. Now...I realize the importance of those few hours and to use them for happiness, not bitterness.
2. Let him love his hobbies
My husband loves riding his dirt bike. There were a few years in there where I was so bitter at this. I couldn't understand why he was gone all week and on his day off he left to ride his bike. I started visiting him at work some. I saw first hand the stress and non-stop work he did. I began to realize the mental release and stress relief that riding brought him. I was actually thrilled when he bought his last bike. It brings him joy.
3. Don't spend all of his money
haha! This one is probably just me....and it makes me laugh so hard...but this is something I needed! Being in sales..there is the potential to have a decent income. As a SAHM....I started spending more and more. I had a rude awakening one month when he came to me, we sat down, and I realized how much frivolous spending I was doing. (more on becoming frugal will be on the blog). What did we do? I opened up my own account in which my personal paycheck from Younique is deposited. This is the ONLY money I allow myself spend on frivolous things. I have even decided to pay several bills with it as well. This has helped tremendously with keeping my spending "in check".
4. Learn his love language
I didn't even have to have Tony take the test on www.5lovelanguages.com to know his is "Acts of Service". Of course his love language is one of the hardest ones for me. When Tony comes home to a clean, organized home. Or when there is a delicious dinner on the table...his eyes sparkle. I can tell him I love him all day long. I can lavish him with gifts. None of that matters. He responds to acts of service. It took me about 9 years to realize this. But when I did, it made a huge difference in his stress levels at home. Granted...keeping the house clean with three children is hard..and he rarely says a thing when there is laundry piled or toys scattered. But I know the best way for me to express my love and gratitude towards him is a clean house. Yes..sounds funny. But look for your husband's love language...when you find it...you will see. <3
5. Find yourself
When I first met my husband...I was broke, worked two jobs. He "saved" me in a way. I became "Tony's wife". I loved it. I loved just being his wife. But through the years...there was a void. I know it came from his long hours and my being alone a lot of the time. But it is so important for you to find your own hobbies. For me...I joined Younique. It has been a life changer for me in so many ways. I also began exercising and taking more control of my health. I am still in a process there...but I love having those goals.
6. Last but not least....give it to God
This is the profession your husband has chosen. If he is like mine....he LOVES it. When I gave my marriage and my stress about his hours to God, things got easier. Things did not get simpler, hours did not get shorter, but it got easier. Why? Because God filled the void where I once was lonely. God helped make our time together count and more memorable. God softened my heart. So if you are struggling like I was...give it to God. I promise you...he will help you across the bridge.
Being a car wife is tough stuff. I'm not going to lie. Each day I learn something new....a new way to overcome some of the obstacles. This can go for truck drivers wives, traveling salesmen, any wife of a hubby that works long hours. From one wife to another...prayers and hugs, mama.
